Thinking of buying your child a smartphone, tablet or laptop this Christmas?

Things to think about as a Maronite Parent

 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.“ Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Of course technology is amazing and we want to make sure that our children are part of the digital and technological world. It opens up wonderful opportunities and possibilities for our children.  Before giving our children access to technology this Christmas – have we properly thought it out? Have we laid the ground rules? Have we considered the added responsibilities it brings for them and for us? Most importantly have we considered how it will impact on their Christian spiritual formation?

 

 

Consider why you are buying the gift for your child?

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

There are many great reasons to buy your children these devices. Only you know if your child can actually benefit from them and if they are ready for it, for example it is difficult to imagine why a five year old would need a smartphone.

These types of gifts are best not given simply as a reward for children.  You need to first consider why your child should have them and how you are going to control their use. It is not a good idea to simply buy them only because your child did well at school this year. Your child needs to be ready for the technology, as it brings with it an enormous amount of responsibility. Similarly, buying items because their friends have it is also not a good enough reason alone. If your child is asking you for them as gifts, sit down with your child, ask them to tell you why they actually want it and as parents really consider for yourselves whether you and them are ready for the added responsibility that the technology will bring.

 

Once you have decided

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

 

Are you just going to purchase the item, wrap it up and put it under the Christmas tree? Have you considered what rules will apply? Have you allocated a time to talk with your child about your expectations and their responsibilities? Have you made clear the consequences if rules are not followed? If you do these things from the outset it is easier to manage how the devices are used in the long run. One great idea is to also create a contract and include it with the gift for your child.  Go through it with them and have them sign it. There are many great samples on the Internet or you can create your own. Regardless of whether you create a contract or sit down and tell your child here are some things you should consider explaining.

 

1. 1.     The device is a privilege that you are loaning to them and which you own. Rules apply and those rules will have consequences.

 

Honor you father and your mother Exodus 20:12
Clarify that the item remains in your ownership and it is on loan to your child. This will indicate from the outset that if the item is misused and the rules regarding its use are broken then the device can be taken away.

 

1. 2.     Passwords

 

Have your child agree that your child will always notify you of their passwords, including for the device, applications, Facebook, twitter etc. You may also require that you will be their friend on Facebook and they will not hide posts from you.

 

1. 3.     Limits on usage times

Place limits on the time they can use the devices. Have a time when they must hand back the device to you at the end of the day. For example the phone/tablet/laptop will be handed to parents at 7.30pm on school nights and 9pm on weekends. The items are not taken into the bedroom for the night with the child. Computers will be placed in an area of the house that is on display to everybody.

 

1. 4.     Keeping the device undamaged

These devices are expensive. Children need to value that and understand that if they damage the device that it will have consequences for them. For example you may tell them that if they damage the items that they will be expected to do work around the house to make up for it or they may lose the item for a designated amount of time.

 

1. 5.     Using technology responsibly and in a way that always honors our Christian values.

 

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God 1 Corinthinas 10:31

 

The device will not be used in a way that breaks any of the commandments or in a way that is not consistent with our Christian values. It must not be used to send offensive or threatening messages to others, to cheat or to lie, to be hurtful or to bully.  Get them to agree that they will not take inappropriate photos of themselves or of others, including theirs or anyone else private parts. Explain that such photos can have long-term legal and personal consequences. Once those images are in the cyber world they are almost impossible to erase. Ask them not to send messages or emails or post things they would not be prepared to say or show someone in person. Ask them to consider the information they are looking up, the games they are playing. Are they consistent with work that is for the glory of God? A good test is would I be able to say or do this if Jesus was listening or watching? Would he approve?

Explain that the devices are not to interfere with prayer or with worship or with their work. Staying up late in the night chatting is no excuse for not being able to wake up for liturgy or forgetting to pray or detracting for their work or spending time with family and friends.

 

1. 6.     Pornography

 

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. Psalm 119:37

 

This deserves a topic all to itself! One of the most challenging recent developments to our society as a whole is the easy access that the Internet has provided to pornography. Increasingly studies are showing that children viewing pornography at a young age is having detrimental consequence on their sexual, emotional and personal development. You must make sure that you have properly discussed with your child the place of sex and Catholic marriage. Do not talk about sex in a negative or shameful way, but talk about it as a special bodily seal of the sacred bond of marriage. A special and holy union between husband and wife in marriage. You must consider what you will do to protect your children from being exposed to porn. One solution is to place Internet filters on the devices, although, this is not a full proof solution. Another idea is to make sure that the devices are being viewed in an open area of the house and that children are not viewing them alone in their bedroom. Another idea is to insist that the child will agree that they will never erase the history on browsers or erase texts or photographs and that they know you will check them routinely.  Get them to agree that they will only search for information on the Internet that would be appropriate for the whole family to see. We as parents also need to consider what we are looking at ourselves.

 

1. 7.     Etiquette

 

To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.Titius 3:2

 

Set rules around etiquette. For example, tell children that they do not bring the devices to the dinner table or use them at dinner in a public restaurant. Get them to agree that the devices needs to be turned off or on silent in certain public places such as at church, the library, class or while they are talking to others. Get them to agree not to have loud and inappropriate conversations on the devices in public areas such as on trains and public transport. Explain they do not need to take videos and photos of everything. Sometime they just need to take the time to enjoy the moment.

 

1. 8.     Illegal downloading

 

You shall not steal Exodus 20:15 

Get them to agree that they will not download apps/music/software/movies etc illegally.  They will not use jailbreak devices. It is akin to stealing. They need to understand that if we can’t afford to buy things or it is not a priority to purchase, then we do not break the law to get them.

 

1. 9.     Bullying and stalking of your child

 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Ask them to think carefully about the chat rooms and forums they join and to tell you before they do. Ask them to come to you if someone is saying something threatening to them. Get them to agree that they will never meet anyone in person that they have met over the Internet without asking you first. Tell them that their protection is the most vital thing to you.

 

10.Limit phone and internet plans

 

Set Limits. Get them to agree that they will not go over a certain amount of monthly minutes for talk or text message or downloads. Have consequences for breaching those limits and enforce them. Examples may be that they either become responsible for payment or lose privileges to the device.

 

11.Phones

 

1. i.                  Explain that you will always ring them from an identifiable number and that they will agree never to ignore your phone call on purpose.
2. ii.                 Decide if the item will go to school with them and clarify with the school if it is allowed.  Get your child to agree that they will obey all school rules in relation to the phone.

 

12.Be aware of your own behavior

Be aware that you are also doing what you are asking of your own children. How are you using your phone, the Internet, your Ipad? Set good examples for your children.

 

13.Tell them you love them!

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

 Let your child know that whatever happens you will love them, even when they might stuff up.  Tell them that you are always there to talk to them even if they have done something wrong and together you will always work it out.

 

Theresa Simon